Here's a STUPID family, who thinks their SMART

As a funeral director we give people long leashes.  I mean really long leashes, if you want to know one of the most understanding individuals in the world meet a funeral director.  Of course they will ONLY extend you this courtesy when it's obvious that you are grieving over the loss of a loved one.  For everyone else get over it and just try not to be sooo stupid.

That being said, a family this week ran out my leash, pulled on the bungie, pulled the chain to the fence, and broke the cable bolted to the toilet in the house.  The story the precede's is real, is based on actual events, and is not for entertainment purposes only, only the names have been changed to protect ME.

"FAmily Care, Family Care, Call the front desk."  I heard going over the pager system as I hear 30 or 40 times a day in my office.  This week is only special because due to vacations and recent employees being relocated or leaving we are short by 3 people this week and my schedule is already booked.  There's nobody else available so I call. "There's a 1st call, here in the lobby" the front desk clerk Nancy says." That's it this is going to be a busy week, I'm only into my 3rd day of a 10 day straight run and have 6 families I'm working with.

On the way to the front desk I am warned of a prominent smell and the awkward appearance of the family up front.  Nancy who is typically so gentle and nice with families is in an unusual mood as she said "Oh My God, there's a she woman out there and the other girl, she's as big as a trampoline." 

As I walk out I meet the two sons, a sister and grandaughter of the deceased, and I understood what Nancy was talking about.  It was truly like I walked into a circus.  They had a gangly hunched over guy with a hearing aid so big that part of it had to be attached to the side of his head, he had blonde hair and looked like to could stone him and he wouldn't care.  His brother nearly the most normal of the group had ears 1/2 the size of his head on each side but that obviously didn't help because he had the same curious hearing aide as his brother.  His sister "The bearded Lady," need I say more, and the 'Trampoline' granddaughter who complained about the 50 foot walk from the lobby to the arrangement room as being too difficult.

I really hate to make fun of people for their appearance as I am sure there are plenty of things to pick on myself, but damn when things are soo easy to take care of like waxxing, and when it's obvious your personality reflects your physical appearance as it quickly did gloves are off.

They looked like they were impoverished but decided to tell me a story of exquisite luxuries and incredible spending that they have done.  Continually mentioning an ambiguos lawyer that doled out their money at their expense.  I thought for a minute that they had hired the infamous lawyer of Ana Nicole Smith as they continued their portrayal of his bowing down to their every request, like picking up clothes at the hospital and running information over to the hotel.

Presumably the lawyer needed an amount for them to come in and pay us for the charges.  Suspicious I have no real reason to dispute this claim as the bill won't be due for a couple of days, however, I found it suspicious that they were going to bring me cash for the total rather than a certified check that would be typical of a lawyer.

The next day two of the other brother's arrived from Nebraska very upset that the services were scheduled for 2 and half weeks away, both sporting the same over ear hearing aide, mind you.  "The services were scheduled for over two weeks away becuase they wanted to have a saturday service and told me they were waiting for family to come in to do the ID so out of town family could see their mother." I explained. I would have written off the hearing aide thing to a genetic disorder until I found out that one of the brothers was adopted.  Theory squashed!

Still upset because they can't stay in town for this long and didn't believe the story that the family had given them about pre-paying for 25 rooms for two weeks at the embassy suites including meals and gratuity at a fee of over 70k.  Besides these were good ol' boys with jobs and families to get back to, they couldn't afford, nor would they want to hang out in CA for two weeks, they were obviously out of their comfort zone.

I explained that the family has to come together on the decisions because the other family has presented a General Power of Attorney that they expected it would be valid to cover the decisions of the funeral arrangements but GPA's end at death and it made no provisions for dispositons of remains.  "Their attorney" is obviously about as competent as Ana Nicole's, matter of fact if the attorney exists I'm betting it is Howard Stern.

They fight it out and lose the battle on the dates and the brother's concern is only that things will go smoothly.  I explained as I explained to the rest of the family that we have all the signatures and paperwork in order to move forward but the family haven't paid their bill yet.  It's now 3 days after meeting with the family and the bill is due the next day by noon or we have to cancel the services.  Yes htat happens, I know it seems cruel but so does sueing somone for not paying their bill, this is actually much better for customer service.  We get paid and nobody has to hire lawyers.

I get a call from the family about the bill and they are shocked that we are not going on their word that their attorney is busy and simply hasn't gotten the money yet.  I tell them they have to pay and shortly the Son comes in with about a dozen credit cards.  Everything from platinum to atm to mileage cards, and of course not one goes through for any amount, and he leaves, only with a bunch of excuses for paying the bill.

The next day and the final day he returns with 6 more credit cards, and initially all decline for partial amounts.  He asks me to try with even lower amonts and finally ONE clears for about half the bill.  HE finds two more that take care of smal fractions and just under half the bill for the CREMATION is left.  Now I don't mean to be cruel but this family was rattling off how they have spent over 70k in hotel bills like it was water and how they already paid the cemetery and that was over 10k and they thought nothing of it.  They almost laughed at me when I showed them our bill would only be at 3800.00 for cremation with memorial services and they can't find one CC that would pay even $1000 toward the bill amongst 5 people?

Yeah right, stupid people suck.  I have spent more than 5 times what I would have normally spent with any other families, they cost me time with the other families. They took away from many of my other responsibilities because they live in a fantasy world where Howard Stern is their attorney and the GrandDaughter watched to many Ana Nicole Reality show reruns.

Friend Died, Funeral Directors Cry Everywhere

Funeral Directors get asked all the time how they can do this job knowing that a person has just died.  For me the answer is easy, I know what grief feels like, and when someone you don't know dies, you don't feel grief. 

Empathy for the family that's going through the grief, maybe even sympathy.  But grief is not what we feel.  A relenting desire to help make sure the family has an opportunity to grieve, make sure that everything goes right and make the arrangement proces as easy as possible.  It all changes when someone you know and care for dies, especially a fellow funeral director.

Today I was notified at my home that a good friend of mine and co-worker Lou Ramirez died tragically in a motorcycle accident on the way to Sturgess yesterday.  Lou Ramirez, 35, was a great funeral director, he was someone I judge myself against when considering how sincere and affectionate I am when dealing with families.  I would be honored if they asked me to handle his arrangements for his services, but that in turn would also be a bad day.  Making arrangements for someone you care for IS different.

We'll find out more tomorrow but for now these are my thoughts;

Lou died doing something he loved.

Lou never hid, he lived.

He was a kind and ever sincere person.

He would want us to miss him for sure, but he would not want us to be saddened for what he missed, I assure you he didn't miss much for the opportunity he was given.

I'm not sure where Lou would think he is now, but I know he will always be apart of my memories and an influence in my life.

Goodluck and Goodspeed my friend.