The downside of California's Beautifull Weather

It might be easier to be a sailor in Maine.  Driving into to work today the December 31st weather reporet was reading clear skies, sunny, and 70 degrees at the coast.  Right now my boat is bathing in the sun begging for a captain to cast off her lines to show her prowess on the open ocean, and I her captain am reguiled to grind out the paycheck to afford those weekends off. 

 

Sitting at work knowing that the weather outside was bleak cold and miserable might allow me to consentrate on work, knowing that spring will be here soon,  extra money and time off for long gunkholing trips will be the goal of the day.  That time spent on the boat now will be repairing and preparing for those long sunfilled days cruising to the furthest destination the wind will allow.

 

Of course, it is California, and today like all the rest the waters will be filled with those lucky souls who have found a way out of the rat race and no longer need to work to fulfill their dreams, maybe it's those I truly envy.

Ping Pong

My parents got my son the gift of Ping Pong this year.  Which is great since most of his activities closer resemble the sport of Pong rather than anything outside.  But more importantly I think the gift is one that will be shared by the entire house.  A ping pong table has the capability of allowing people from all skill levels play and go OUTSIDE For a while.  I'm looking forward to playing but since it's outside I need to get it to stop raining.

 

 

Death walk

Youth gives you the liberty to put aside many critical decisions to a later time, retirment, health, money, and ultimately death.  I seem to be creaping up on the idea of retirment and concern of the money to fund it is critical, health also seems to be reaching in as aches and pains take longer to heal and some persist indefinetely.  I have thought that my profession helps me realize the death question in a more real capacity than most as I see it on a daily basis.  But everything changes when faced with your own death.

 

I many times wonder, if given the chance, what will be my thoughts laying in bed knowing that death is creaping in from my extremities to take away that last breath.  Will I hold true to my "one person, one life, one chance" aetheist perspective, be solemnly but gleefully reflective on the life that I lived? Or will the natural human instinct of self preservation win out and when faced with the reality there's nothing left to be done on this earth will hopes of an eternal existence of second chance win out?  Will the childhood teachings of Christianity and a life of continued learning offer a different perspective on death than the one I hold now?  That is, if given the chance.

 

I've envisioned many a times the death walk in my life.  I've seen myself leaving to walk aimlessly the country, homeless, and unguided.  My current vision alone in a sailboat on the open ocean is not indifferent from the one seen in the back of my mind my entire life.  The knowledge that death is imminent that time here must end and taking the time one last chance to take it in, dying earlier than the hospital bed, but on my own terms.  Selfish vision as it were, no accounting for family and friends that would like just a nother year, month, day or hour with someone they care for. 

 

I think this is why people ultimately take the drugs, go in for surgery, and put up with chemo.  That look in their loved ones eyes, that glare of want, of hope that you'll be around for a little longer, without that I believe most people would allow their death to come on with less of a fight.  In this I struggle, of course I as we all would hope to have family and friends that love us enough to want us around, but there's that vision, one I've had all my life, that final adventure, intended not end but continue on forever.