Loss

Sailing in perfect conditions of the coast there was a little mishap on my boat.  I was bringing up the main on my cockpit winch (This is a turning device used for leverage on a sailboat) and a piece broke of the winch causing the heavy metal casing to pop off it's base and roll overboard plummeting instantly to the depths below momentarily only leaving behind a trail of bubble just visible from the surface on it's way down.  Lost!  Instantly the reality of what just happened enters my head and chest, the desire to dive in and try to retrieve this vital and expensive piece of equipment for a moment enters my mind but quickly fades as I realize the futility of such an act.

 

It's amazing how we react when we loose something, and how something so trivial as a piece of equipment on a sailboat can make us momentarily congure up that feeling of Grief.  Loosing someone you care for is likened to that feeling of dropping something over the side of the sailboat.  The memory is there and for a brief moment you can see the life leaving and the trail they left behind.  The desire to follow them is usually just at the surface, the only thing stopping them is the reality of that desire.

 

I don't mean to trivialize the loss of a loved, one or a piece of sailing equipment for that matter.  In the place of my winch still sits the post it was secured to a constant reminder that I wasn't able to save it in those few seconds that it came apart.  Eventually I'll take it off and plug the holes so I can make ready for the replacement of the piece, or maybe I'll leave the area blank as I have an alternative to raising the sail.  Don't know really but I know that eventually, although I may miss it I'll move on, a lot easier than when our daughter died but still in the same process.